


This Life

by Filmsterr



Series: A New Life [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Brotherhood, Domestic destiel, Family, M/M, Separation, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-17
Updated: 2016-08-17
Packaged: 2018-08-09 08:21:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,245
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7794439
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Filmsterr/pseuds/Filmsterr
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Sam wanders into Lawrence for the first time in years, he feels less than unprepared. It's been six years since he last saw Dean or his father. He has no idea who, or where, they might be. All he can do is knock on the familiar old door, hope for the best.</p>
            </blockquote>





	This Life

“Six years…” Sam mutters against his knuckles as he stares out the window of the car. 

“What’s that?” Jess asks softly from the drivers’ seat of her old Toyota as she maneuvers down a long stretch of country road. 

“Nothing,” Sam answers. “It’s nothing, I just… I can’t believe it’s been six years since I’ve been back.”

It all hits him the minute he sees the big sign emblazoned “Welcome to Kansas”. The memories come rushing back: the last time he’d been here, the last time he saw his brother. It wasn’t exactly an easy exit. And he hadn’t talked to either of them, Dean or his dad, since the day he left home. 

Jess doesn’t get it- she grew up normal, with loving parents who call her once a week to check in and make sure she has everything she needs, even though she’s well into young adulthood. But she understands. And sympathizes. So she reaches a hand over and gives Sam’s thigh a gentle squeeze. He looks back at her and tugs his face into a tight smile. 

When they park at Lawrence’s lone motel and get settled into their room, it’s past 4 in the afternoon. Sam sits on the bed and flicks through the channels on the TV trying to relax, but it’s useless. He sighs heavily and tosses the remote onto the bed, deciding that it’s better just to get this whole thing over with already. From the chair she’s sitting in, Jess offers to come with him for support. He tells her no, thank you, this is something he’s got to do alone. 

So he takes the car and drives down old familiar roads. Sam feels almost silly. He doesn’t even know where they might be living. More than likely, his dad let the payments go by and the house get foreclosed on and Sam would drive by and find the old thing all boarded up like some sad, perfect metaphor for the way life always seems to go. 

Sam, then, is pleasantly surprised when he pulls up out front of the house to find it not only un-boarded up, but actually well-maintained. There’s a garden out front. With flowers. 

Now Sam has a sinking feeling in his stomach: that it’s true, John and Dean must have taken off long ago and now there is some nice little normal family living in the place he used to call  home. He tells himself that maybe it’s better to just go back to the hotel, save himself the awkwardness of fumbling through a conversation about how _your kids sleep where I used to sleep when I was a kid, isn’t that funny?_

He brushes his fingers over the car door handle, hovering between opening and closing the door, when something nags at him from the back of his mind. He can’t drive away without even trying. He’d never forgive himself for being such a coward. That would just make his dad all too happy, Sam driving off with his tail between his legs like that.

And looking at the front door, still painted the same dark green it has been for as long as Sam can remember, he starts to think of Dean. They’d be so close growing up— not that they had much of a choice in the matter: they had each other and no one else. But Dean had always looked out for Sam, always taken care of him. If he was being honest with himself, it hurt Sam that they never talked anymore. He missed his big brother. 

So he bites down every negative thought that curdles in his throat and marches up to the front door before he can think of a way to weasel out of it. He gives a couple firm knocks with his fist and waits nervously on the front steps. It’s a few very nervous seconds before the door opens and Sam lets out an unexpected gasp. 

It is in fact Dean that opens the door. Dean looking clean-shaved and unscarred and sort of… peaceful. 

Well, the expression on his face at the moment doesn’t denote peace at all, but the overall impression is that he is. Right now his face mirrors Sam’s, in that they are both more than a little surprised to see the other standing where they are. 

A heavy silence follows while Dean scans Sam up and down. Sam suddenly realizes what he must be thinking and quickly says, “It’s me, Dean. No shape-shifters, no demons. It’s really me.”

Dean shakes his head. His face changes to a more neutral expression. “Yeah, totally, man,” he wipes a hand at his chin and then moves to gesture Sam into the house. “Come on in.”

Sam moves past him stiffly until he is fully in the hallway. Dean turns around and looks at him again, this time with a half-cocked smile tugging at his lips. A look of nostalgia washes over him as he speaks. “Sammy. My God. It’s been… it’s been a while.”

“Six years.” Sam tells him out loud, eyebrows raised. 

Dean lets out a dry chuckle. “Yeah.” The two stand next to each other, body language unnecessarily gawky and awkward. “Here, come on into the living room.”

Sam follows Dean like he is a guest, like he doesn’t know where the living room is or anything. Everything looks incredibly similar, if not exactly the same. Sam surveys the room carefully, and he knows that on the other side of the room Dean is closely watching his every move. But Sam can’t help but to stare. It’s a trip, being back in this room. 

It feels like a lifetime had passed since he’d lived this life. And just like that he’s back to that night, his last night in this house before he left for good. 

Sam and Dean had sat in this very living room when Sam confessed to his brother that he’d gotten into Stanford and he planned to go to California when time came in the fall. Dean’s reaction was… a little cold, pretty unsupportive. But more than anything he just seemed to have no possible way to understand the idea of getting out of it all. 

“Don’t you want to stop being a hunter someday?” Sam had asked him with a twinge of sadness in his voice. “Don’t you think you’ll want to have a family, or a job? A normal life?”

Dean became quiet. Sam looked at him, at his features, trying to gauge what he was really thinking since he knew Dean would never say it out loud. But Dean turned away, took a swig of his beer and forced a laughed. “Nah. Normal life’s boring. Not for me. My future? I see and endless string of chicks and shitty hotel rooms in between hunts.” He winked at Sam and nudged his shoulder playfully.

Sam felt bad for him, genuine pity, but he didn’t say anything to Dean. He just told him that he was going to go, and that he hoped Dean would find a way to be okay with that. Dean nodded and promised not to tell John about Stanford until Sam figured out a way to do it himself. 

But that was a lie. Dean told John and then John screamed at Sam until he was blue in the face. He told Sam that if he wanted to go then he should go, and not to even think about coming back to this house. So for once, Sam did as he was told. He slung a bag over his shoulder and walked out without even saying goodbye to Dean. 

And he’d never thought about going back. Until now. 

They sit opposite each other, Sam on the large plush couch and Dean in the chair across from him. Dean rakes his eyes over Sam’s face again. “It’s good to see you, Sam.”

The tension dissipates a bit as Sam smiles back at him. “You too, Dean.” He looks around him at the living room. “The place looks great.”

“Yeah. Thanks.” Dean sighs, following Sam’s eyes around the room. “Yeah.”

Sam can see Dean visibly relaxing with each passing moment. His mind must be buzzing with a million questions, but he takes it one step at a time. “So, what brings you around here?”

Sam doesn’t know whether he means here _the house_ or here _Lawrence_ , so he decides to answer the easier question. “I, uh… My girlfriend and I are driving across country. It’s… sort of a graduation trip thing. From law school. I finished law school.”

It’s uncomfortable. This feels like something a brother should already know, of course, big news like that. But Dean doesn’t show any irritation. His face lights up in a bit of brotherly pride. 

“That’s awesome, Sammy.” He says, smiling from ear to ear. “Wow. Look at you. My little bro, some kind of big shot lawyer. And with a girlfriend.” Dean adds the last bit on with a salacious raise of his eyebrows. 

Sam laughs, running his fingers through his hair. The tension is gradually fading from his shoulders as he talks. “Yeah. Jess. She’s way too good for me, but somehow I manage to keep my hands on her.” He leans back into the couch and places his hands in his lap. “So, anyway, I thought now might be a good time to drop by. See how the old place is holdin’ up.”

Dean nods and smile. “It’s holdin’ up.” Then his face grows dark. He leans forward and begins to speak pointedly. “Sam, look—”

A voice from the hallway interrupts him. “Dean? Who was at the door?”

Both of them turn to face the source of the noise. As they do, a man that Sam has never seen before walks into the living room. He looks first at Dean, then to Sam and immediately his face shrivels into a shrewd glare. 

“Cas.” Dean speaks in a firm tone to the newcomer. “This is Sam.” 

The guy turns to Dean and looks at him questioningly. Dean clarifies, “My brother, Sam.”

“Oh.” 

That’s all he says. Just _oh_. Sam’s discomfort level is at an all-time high for the day _because who is this guy in_ his _house?_  

He stands up in a sudden, jerky motion and extends a hand to the man. He tries to offer a friendly greeting. “Hello.”

The man (who is, Sam notices, wearing a very peculiar outfit) squints at Sam’s hand, hanging in mid-air. Dean is watching the encounter from his chair and seems wary. “Cas. Be nice.” He scolds. 

 _Cas must be his name, then_ , Sam assumes. Who he is is another story, but… 

Finally, Cas leans over and takes Sam’s hand in a very, _very_ firm grasp. “Hello.” His voice is low and gruff and gives no indication to his emotional state. Cas turns his back to Sam again and returns his focus to Dean. “I’ll be in the kitchen.”

“Alright,” Dean nods and the third man leaves the room. Dean faces Sam. “Do you want something to drink? Beer, water, anything?”

“No, no, that’s fine.” Sam dismisses quickly. He lightens his voice to a whisper. “Uh… who is that guy?”

“Who, Cas?”

Sam’s face contorts into an expression that he hopes reads as _yeah, obviously_. Who else would he be talking about? “Yes, ‘Cas’. Did you get a roommate or something?” 

In that moment, Dean’s face totally changes. For a second, Sam could swear, he looks vaguely horrified. He clears his throat and shifts in his chair, regaining his composure. “Not exactly.”

“Well, then? Your buddy? Neighbor? Another hunter? What?” Maybe Sam doesn’t have a right to come in and ask questions but he doesn’t care much for some guy walking around his house and giving him that look like he doesn’t belong here. 

“He’s, uh… He’s my…” Dean sputters. 

Sam is very confused as to why this is a difficult question to answer.  “Dean, what?”

“He’s…” Dean scratches at the back of his head and heaves a giant sigh. “He… is… my… husband.”

At first, Sam is sure that he heard that wrong. “I’m sorry, your _what_?”

“Cas and I… are married. To each other.”

Now Sam is sure that his jaw is hanging so low it could touch the floor. Dean has unlocked a Pandora’s box of questions, but Sam tries to keep at least some of his reaction within bounds. The Dean he’d known six years ago was likely to bolt if Sam showed too emotional of a reaction to anything like this. 

Then again, the Dean he’d known six years ago was exclusively into women and had a life mission to forget the name of every girl he’d ever slept with so… who knows. 

“You’re married.” Sam repeats it out loud again, for clarification. “To a guy.”

“I can hear you!” comes a shout from the kitchen. 

Dean sort of grimaces at Sam, but it melts into a chuckle. “Babe, calm down,” he calls out. 

Sam can’t believe what is happening in front of his eyes. Did he just hear his brother call someone ‘babe’? _Babe_? How… domestic. 

Now Cas is storming into the living room again, this time holding a steak knife ( _yikes!_ ) that he begins flailing wildly as he shouts at Dean. “Don’t you ‘babe’ me! He comes in here after being gone for years and—”

“Exactly.” Dean says to him in a soft voice. “It’s been years. So can just be nice, and give us some time?”

Cas stills and his hands drop to his side at Dean’s words. Sam watches from the couch as he seems to shrink into himself. He nods to Dean, then raises his chin and nods to Sam as well before leaving to go march up the stairs. 

Dean waits until the sound of his footsteps have faded away before speaking again. “Sorry about him. He’s a little, um, protective.”

“Uh, it’s fine.” Sam manages uneasily as he sinks back into the couch and breathes out. The ground feels a little unsteady beneath him. “Dean, I’m… a little shocked, to be honest.”

“Yeah,” Dean laughs to himself. “That’s fair.”

“Where’s Dad?” Sam asks when the thought hits him out of nowhere. 

Dean shrugs his shoulders. “Out on a hunt, probably. He crashes here, sometimes. Mostly out on the road, though.”

“So he knows…?” Sam makes a general hand motion in the direction of the stairs. 

Dean laughs. “Yeah, he knows. Took it better than I would’ve thought. He actually likes Cas a lot.” He pauses for a moment. “He’s happy for us.”

Sam wants to say that he’s happy, too. Happy for Dean, and for Cas (who he doesn't know but anyone who could make Dean Winchester settle down must be one hell of a person). But he still has so many questions brimming in his head that he decides it would be best to hold his tongue. “So, are you still hunting?”

Dean sits up in his chair a bit. “Nah. Every once in a while, when something big comes up or no one else is around. I consult from time to time, kind of taking over some of Bobby’s duties for this region.” Sam nods along, listening intently as Dean goes on. “I mostly teach over at the high school now.”

“Teach?” Sam practically squeals the word. He fights to keep his eyebrows from launching up into his hair line. “You teach? Like, a real job? Molding the young minds of America?”

Dean beams proudly. “Wood shop.”

Sam drags a hand over his face. “Someone at that school has clearly made a grave mistake.”

“Hey!” Dean protests. “I’m great with the kids. They love me.”

“Do you even have a teaching license?”

“Of course.”

“A _real_ teaching license.”

Dean sits quietly for a few seconds. “Okay, well some habits die hard.”

“There it is.” Sam chuckles to himself, smiling. 

The air in the room seems to settle a bit more. Sam’s head is spinning, but there’s no part of him that feels negatively about the situation. In fact, he is thinking that this is going so much better than he had ever pictured. “It’s good to see you, Dean,” he says the thought as it crosses his mind. 

A big grin nearly cracks Dean’s face in half. “Yeah, I guess I did miss having a nerdy little bro around for all those years. I’m gonna get a beer, you sure you don’t want one?”

Sam shakes his head, but follows Dean into the kitchen. Dean opens the fridge and pulls out a beer, cracks it and takes a big gulp straightaway. Sam’s about to ask a few questions about Cas: who he is, how they met, what he does— when he hears footsteps coming down the stairs and _another_ voice he’s never heard before. 

Sam freezes in place. He needs to confirm his suspicions before he freaks out but he could swear that what he thinks he hears is… a kid. 

A kid. A little boy clinging to Cas’ chest as he walks into the kitchen and over toward where Dean is standing at the fridge. Dean leans over, ruffles the kid’s hair and kisses him on his cheek. 

“You have a kid.”

But Dean doesn’t take his eyes off the little person seated on Cas’ chest. Sam can’t see him but he can hear the smile in his voice when he says, “Yeah. I have a kid.”

There are a lot of emotions surging in Sam right now and one weird, deep down part of him thinks that maybe coming here today is a mistake. He feels like an intruder, like he is getting a glimpse into Dean’s life he doesn’t deserve. 

But the thing he feels most right now— in a very, very selfish way— is hurt. 

The whole getting-married thing, sure Sam can see why Dean didn’t rush to pick up a phone and tell him that. But…. this is a kid. A son. What a huge, colossal moment for Dean and he didn’t even try to let Sam in on it. 

Dean tears himself away from the little bundle and looks over to Sam. He must be able to read his brother’s face because he immediately turns to Cas and whispers something that make him take the child still in his arms and walk away. The kid is giggling, smiling big. Sam can’t help staring at him and his heart is doing all kinds of things. 

And then it’s just the two of them again. 

“This is awkward,” Dean states, accurately. Sam can’t find anything to say that will add to the conversation, so he doesn’t talk.

Dean bounces his weight between his two feet. He waits a few seconds before he speaks again. “Sam, I’m sorry. Y’know… it just got harder to call the more time went by.”

Sam feels tears building behind his eyes and he makes every effort to shake it off. “Yeah, yeah, I know.” He wipes at his face roughly to cover the sadness eating at him. “And I guess, uh… goes both ways, huh?”

“Yeah,” Dean mutters, but Sam is certain that end the end of the day he’ll blame himself. That’s what Dean does. And making Dean feel guilty is the last thing he wants, especially when it looks like things are going so good for him, so much better than Sam had even hoped for.  

So Sam pipes up and asks in the happiest voice he can muster, “What’s his name?”

The question makes Dean’s face light up in a way that Sam doesn’t know that he’s seen before. Dean asks, “You want to meet him?”

Sam makes an audible gulp and nods to him. Dean waves over Cas and the kid excitedly, takes the little guy off of Cas’ chest and brings him over to Sam. 

“Hey, buddy,” Dean whispers, and there is such _joy_ in his voice.. “This is your uncle Sam. Can you say hi?”

The word “uncle” makes Sam’s heart leap inside his chest, and in that moment he is hit with a fresh new wave of emotion. 

“Hi,” the little boy says shyly, burrowing into Dean’s neck. 

Sam’s voice is wavering as he leans down and says, “Hi, buddy.”

“Can you tell him your name?” Dean asks softly. 

It’s mind-blowing for Sam to see Dean so… gentle, like this. He’s seen Dean wield powerful weapons, behead vampires, his whole body splattered with blood. And yet here he is, holding a little human in his arms and whispering softly. It’s very weird, and also not at all. 

Sam raises his eyebrows in interest at his new nephew. “What’s your name, huh?”

The kid lays his head wearily on Dean and mutters quietly, “Robbie.”

Dean laugh quietly. “No, no, your _whole_ name, bud. Remember?”

From his spot latched onto Dean’s chest, the little boy sizes Sam up. He turns nervously into Dean’s neck and Sam can hear him whisper, “Dad, I forgot.”

Dean smiles and hugs him tight, eyes still looking over at Sam. He whispers encouragingly, “Robert…”

The kid looks like he’s straining to remember, so Dean gives him a little more. “Robert Ssss…”

And then his head lifts up like he’s been struck by lightening and he finishes, “…Samuel Winchester!” 

“Good job.” Dean smacks a kiss to the kid’s brown hair and bends over to place his feet on the floor. “Go on back to Dad now.” 

Sam is all but undone at that. He looks at Dean and allows the tears burning to move down his face. “You… Robert Samuel?”

“C’mon, man,” Dean gives him a playful punch on the shoulder. “Just ‘cus you were gone doesn’t mean I could go and forget my little brother.”

That’s it. Sam’s done. He lunges forward and wraps his brother into the tightest bear hug imaginable. He feels like such a huge asshole: leaving the way he did, letting so much time go by. And Dean never forgot him. Never stopped caring. He named his freaking kid after Sam, a kid Sam had never met or heard of but Dean did it anyway. 

Dean digs his hands into Sam’s shoulder and hugs him tight back. “I missed ya, Sammy.” 

“Missed you, too.” Sam says, hot tears dripping on to the shoulder of Dean’s flannel button down. Later, they’ll pretend this didn’t happen, or make fun of what a sap Sam could be. But for now, they let themselves air out six years of radio silence in one long embrace. 

When they pull apart, Dean claps Sam on the shoulder and loudly clears his throat. Cas is standing next to them, Robbie standing at his side. They are both looking up expectantly at Dean. 

“We’re going to start cooking dinner,” Cas tells him, and then turns to Sam, his expression much kinder now. “Sam, would you like to stay?”

Sam looks to Dean, who only raises his eyebrows back. He coughs a bit, smiling over at the new family his brother has made. “I’d love to. Thanks.”

 

————

 

An hour later, the four of them sit down together at the table, which Robbie had set and then Dean had re-set correctly. 

Dean and Sam had spent the time while Cas was cooking sitting in the living room, catching each other up on all they’d missed. Mostly Sam talked about Stanford: his classes, his friends, the apartment he and Jess share and how lucky he is to have her.  

He had called her at the hotel when his emotions settled out a bit and he realized she might be worrying about where he was. Dean told him to invite her along to dinner, but she said she thought it would be good for the brothers to have some alone time. And anyway, she said, Sam had a new family to be introduced to. 

Sam also spent a good chunk of time trying to worm his way into Robbie’s good graces, which was no easy task. He was definitely a Daddy’s Boy, though it didn’t seem to matter which Dad he was attached to. 

Sam still couldn’t believe that this was really Dean’s life. Dean Winchester, the self-proclaimed lifelong bachelor, working a 9 to 5 job and talking about daycare concerns and school zones with Sam. Dean Winchester, itinerant playboy, definitely just a little bit whipped by his husband. 

Husband. That was another really shocking bit of information (that Jess absolutely adored hearing, by the way) that Sam was having a little trouble processing. But he decided to just let it go as if it were totally normal so as not to upset Dean. It’s not like he in’t used to it anyway; he and Jess have a ton of friends from school who were gay or bi or lesbian or wherever on the spectrum and it has never given Sam the least bit of pause before. 

“Man,” Sam sighs as he and Dean sit down at the dinner table, each one nursing a beer. “I just can’t believe that this is your life. I feel like I’m in a djinn dream or something.”

“Hah,” Dean immediately laughs, and then his face grows deadly serious. “Don’t say that, man.”

“Ah, sorry,” Sam quickly apologizes, though he still laughs a little bit under his breath. 

Cas serves everyone a plate full of shrimp scampi, even Robbie, and much to Sam’s surprise Dean begins to scarf it down happily. 

“Dude,” he says, studying Dean intently. “I don’t know if I’ve ever even seen you eat something that’s not a burger.” 

Dean pauses his fork at his mouth and shrugs. “Yeah, well. Cas is a really great cook, so…” 

Beside him, Cas beams happily at the compliment. “Thank you, Dean.” Dean tosses him a sly wink and returns to shoveling pasta into his mouth. 

Sam breathes a laugh and sips his beer. “So, Cas, what do you do?”

Cas checks to make sure that Robbie isn’t having any trouble eating before he turns to answer the question. “I’m a tax accountant.”

Sam has to stifle a laugh at that. Cas looks up at him in horror and Dean shoot him a glare that seems to serve as a scolding. 

“Sorry, sorry,” Sam corrects himself immediately. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to laugh, that was rude. It’s just… Dude, I can’t believe you married a tax accountant. That is so…. definition _normal_. That’s like nuclear family.” He turns to Cas and apologizes again. “Honestly, I think that is so awesome.”

Cas softens when he hears that. Dean shrugs as a response. “At least he’s a hot tax accountant. Look at that face.”

Sam does. It’s true, Cas is an objectively very handsome guy. And Sam can’t but to notice the way he is just gazing over at Dean like he is the beginning and end of the earth. Dean obviously struck gold here. 

“So,” Sam takes another bite of the delicious pasta and sits up in his chair. “How did this happen? How did you guys meet?” He’s been waiting patiently to ask all night, but the curiosity is just eating at him. 

“Well…” Cas begins amicably enough, only to be interrupted by Dean. 

“Well, essentially, Cas stalked me is what happened.”

“I did not _stalk_ you!”

From his high chair between his parents, Robbie lets out a big giggle. Dean and Cas both look over at him with the biggest smiles on their faces. 

“Anyway…” Cas turns around and begins the story again, only to have Dean bust in again. 

“Anyway,” he says, swooping over and taking the reigns of the story, “I got the gig teaching shop at the school cus I was working a job, right? So, I’m there, and weirdly enough I actually kinda liked it- and I was good at it. I was rockin’ it, really rappin’ with the kids and everything—hey.” He turns quickly to Cas who is rolling his eyes so hard it looks like he can see his own brain. “I was doing great. And then one day Cas comes in for this like Career Day/How to Be an Adult thing that of course falls during my third period class. Rude.”

Sam sips his beer and smiles while he listens, watching the way their reactions seem to tell two very different stories. He is enjoying this far too much. 

Dean continues, “So I’m walkin’ around the event, checkin’ everything out- trying to find a way to make a break for the basement where I’m pretty sure the ghosty shit is- when Cas comes up to me and immediately starts hitting on me.”

Cas scoffs loudly. “I asked you what subject you taught.”

“Yeah, keep it in your pants, Romeo.” 

Cas raises his eyebrow, but just pours himself a glass of wine and lets Dean continue. 

“Then,” Dean goes on, “he starts askin’ me all these questions about my taxes—” Sam grimaces at that. Taxes are not exactly part of the hunter lifestyle— “yeah, exactly, so I just kind of make a break for it to get a look at the basement.”

“Okay. And then…?”

“Well, when I get down there I realized that the case wasn’t just your typical salt-and-burn so I figured I should hit the library to do some recon. The school library had zilch, and I didn’t have time to check out the downtown branch for a couple of days. When I finally had a chance to go, I parked myself at a desk with some town records and who comes strolling in but this guy.” 

At this point he wags a hand over at Cas, who again lets Sam know that he does not agree with this interpretation of the story. “I’m not allowed to enjoy reading?” he asks Dean. 

“Oh, you probably saw me walking in and followed me.”

Cas laughs sardonically. “You should be so lucky.” 

“I am so lucky,” Dean bites back as if it’s a jab, but the smile on his face shows that it’s not. When he realizes Sam’s still watching him, his cheeks grow a little red. He clears his throat and continues. “Anyway, Cas sat down at the table next to me and starts chatting me up again. This time, he really lays it on thick.”

Cas actually nods at this point. “To be fair, I did. I thought he was easily the most handsome man I’d seen since moving to Lawrence, so I asked him out for a drink.”

“And I told him,” says Dean, “that he was a good-looking dude, but unfortunately for him I don’t swing that way.”

“And then I told him,” Cas adds, “that not for nothing, but the last time someone looked at me the way he did, I got laid.” 

The last part of the story causes Sam to choke on his food a little bit. He reaches for his beer to wash it down. “Uh, as much as I’m loving this little story, let’s spare the gory details, huh?” 

Cas is smiling proudly, while Dean grimaces.

“Okay, so maybe I had noticed the way that his pants— nevermind. The point is, I was gonna go for a beer anyway, so I told Cas he could tag along. A couple of drinks later, we come back here and…” A mischievous look crosses Dean’s face. 

“Gory details.” Cas confirms. Sam nods quickly, thankful for the brevity. 

Dean mimics his brother’s gestures and continues along. “It only took about a year before Cas started talking about getting hitched.”

A light chuckle out of Cas. “A year, a quick sexuality crisis, me finding out you killed monsters for a living…”

“Hey.” Dean says suddenly, his voice changed. It’s less playful, more like the stern big brother Sam remembers. Dean’s eyes jerk toward Robbie in his high chair, then back to Cas. 

“Oh,” Cas exclaims, as if just realizing something now. “Right.” And then he does a gesture that mimes sealing his mouth with a lock and key. The tension that Dean’s shoulders had held for a minute leaves him. 

Sam watches on in more than a tad of confusion, though he has an idea what’s happening here. Dean turns to him and confirms his suspicions. “We have a strict No Shop Talk policy in front of the kid.”

“I assume you don’t mean wood shop.” Sam smiles at the twisted humor of the moment. 

Dean returns the smile. “Wood shop shop-talk is definitely on the table.”

“It’s on the table…” Cas interjects, going down to a whisper for Sam to hear, “but it’s terribly boring.”

“Are you kidding me, Cas? If I hear the word audit out of your lips one more time…” 

“Dean, I cannot stress enough how important it is to be prepared…”

Sam sits back in his chair again, allowing himself a moment to takes it all in. He takes a deep breath and sighs. 

He had only been half-kidding when he said this all felt like a djinn dream. Under the table, he’s been repeatedly pinching his leg to be sure that it’s really and truly all real. 

———

 

After dinner, Dean takes Robbie upstairs to get him settled for bed. Sam gives his nephew an extra tight, smothering hug that is received coldly by the little boy. 

“Don’t worry,” Dean laughs as Robbie’s fat little fingers clutch at his shirt, “he’ll get used to you.”

And then Dean and Robbie go upstairs and it’s just Sam left with Cas. Sam thinks that his newfound brother-in-law ( _how weird is that?_ ) has been gradually warming up him throughout the night, but he’s a difficult guy to read. Sam can only hope that Cas can see if nothing else that Dean is incredibly important to the both of them.

“Please, sit down,” Cas gestures to the couch after a long silence has passed. 

Sam takes him up on the offer. He sinks into the old couch he knew so well, which is now Cas’ couch, and thinks about how much he looks forward to taking Jess over tomorrow so she can see the whole thing for herself. 

Cas clears his throat. Sam notices now that Cas is staring at him- has been for a few minutes, he thinks- and his posture seems to indicate that he’s uncomfortable. When he speaks up his tone shows the same. “So, Sam,” he coughs out. “You live in California?”

Sam nods, wishing away the tension that seems to lurk over them like a cloud. “Yeah. Sort of Nothern California. I was at Stanford for undergrad, and then for law school afterward.”

Cas is still just looking at him, his expression so flat that it almost looks like he’s focusing on something other than Sam entirely. 

Suddenly, an idea strikes in Sam’s brain. “You guys should come visit.”

Cas’ face gives no reaction to that. Sam presses on. “Really, I insist. It would be great, all three of you, you can stay with me and Jess. I think you guys would really like it.”

Finally, Cas heaves a long sigh and sinks back into his chair. At first Sam thinks that maybe he hates the idea, that somehow Sam has offended Cas or something. But after a short moment of silence, he looks right at Sam and says, “That would be lovely.”

A surprised grin breaks out over Sam’s face. It’s not an empty invitation. Right at that moment, he thinks nothing would make him happier than to show Dean and Cas and Robbie around town, take them to do all kinds of tourist-y things that would normally make him cringe but actually seem really fun when you have someone who cares about you visiting. 

Sam is excited to use the phrase “I have family in town” for the first time in his life. 

He’s pulled out of his thoughts when he hears Cas’ voice again. 

“You know, Dean has suggested it before,” he says plainly. Sam’s brows furrow in confusion, so Cas clarifies. “Going to California, I mean.”

Sam’s lips part in a moment of realization. He knows now what Cas is saying, but Cas seems determined to say it out loud anyway. 

“He always said it was for something else- to go see Hollywood, take Robbie to the ocean, have some time to relax. But I always knew why he really wanted to go.”

As much as Sam has always known, somewhere deep down, that Dean must have been thinking of him too over the years, this drives home a fresh new wave of guilt. When they were young, Dean’s main focus had always been watching over Sam, protecting Sam. When he left, Sam tried so hard to push down all his thoughts of anger toward his dad, he’s ended up assigning Dean into his box of Forgotten Things as well. For the first time in a long time, Sam found himself wondering what Dean did with himself without something to protect. 

He supposes maybe thats’s where Cas fit in. Dean’s new purpose. 

The sound of uneven footsteps coming down the stairs jerks Sam back into focus, and he sees again that Cas is staring at him.

“He missed you, Sam,” is all he says. “Very much.”

Dean enters the living room just then, standing next to where Cas is seated with the biggest smile on his face. He looks between the two men. “Glad to see you two are getting along now.”

Cas nods rather stoically but Sam musters up a smile. “Like gangbusters,” he tells his brother.

Dean’s chest puffs up a bit at that. He turns and looks down at Cas, running his fingers through the stock of thick, brown hair. As weird as this night has been so far, Sam feels honored to be allowed into this private moment between the two of them. 

He allows his eyes to sneak over the the clock and sees that it’s edging past nine o’clock. He could stay all night here talking to Dean, but poor Jess has been alone for hours and she must be bored out of her mind. 

“I hate to do this,” he announces as he stands to his feet. “But I think it’s time I head back.”

Dean’s hand pauses in Cas’ hair and he looks to Sam with a pained expression. “Man, really? Are you sure you don’t want to crash here?”

Sam’s mouth makes a broken smile. “I would, but I’ve got Jess at the motel, and she’s all by herself…”

Sam's gaze is focused on Dean, but he can see out of the corner of his eye how closely Cas is inspecting Dean’s reactions right now. 

His face falls for a moment, and then goes right back into one of his trademark Dean easy smiles. “Oh, yeah, right, Jess. Of course. I’ll walk you out.”

They walk together over the the front door. Dean puts a hand on Sam’s shoulder. “You’ll bring her over tomorrow, right? Jess?”

“Absolutely, man,” Sam says with the most genuine happiness he has felt in a long time. Everything about this moment feels strange, in how perfectly normal it all is. Sam never thought he’d have a moment like this, dinner at his brother’s house, bringing his girlfriend over to meet him.  

His throat is a little tight when he clamps a hand down on Dean. “Man, I just gotta tell ya… I really am happy for you. So happy.”

Dean shoots his head down, embarrassed by the attention. He doesn’t say anything. 

“I was so worried for a while, you know,” Sam says. “That you’d never have anything like this. That you’d never have this life, or that you didn’t even want it. But you deserve it, man. If anyone deserves this kind of stuff, it’s you.”

For a couple of seconds, Dean doesn’t say anything. His head is still facing down and Sam is nervous that maybe he’s overstepped his bounds. But then, he hears a small sniffle, and Dean turns his head up, wiping quickly at his nose. 

“Jeez, Sammy, what’ve you been watching chick flicks or somethin’ out at college?”

Sam laughs and pulls Dean in for a hug. He promises to drive safe and call Dean in the morning about plans for tomorrow. 

He doesn’t have to turn around to know that Dean is watching from the doorway until he gets into the car and drives off down the road. 

 

———

 

When Sam gets back to the motel, Jess is lying on the bed with a book in her lap and the TV on as background noise. She sometimes likes to listens to infomercials while she’s doing something. Sam walks over toward the bed and thinks that somehow this grimy hotel room makes her look even prettier by comparison. 

“Hey,” she greets him in a soft voice, looking up from her book when she notices him come in. “How was it?”

He hops onto the bed beside her and crawls over as close as he can. He wraps his big hand around the back of her neck and pulls her in for a deep kiss. Her lips part into a smile against his and she breathes a sigh into his mouth. 

“I love you,” he whispers to her when they pull away. 

Jess giggles girlishly. “I love you back. I take it everything went well?”

“It was great.” Sam doesn’t even know where to begin. He wants to tell her everything, all the backstory and the surprises and how he’s an uncle and how he wants them to come out a visit. But it’s late now and he’s exhausted on every level. So he thinks maybe he’ll just tell her the best part and save the rest for the morning. “You know how people talk about the light at the end of the tunnel?”

“Yeah,” she answers, running a hand gently down the sleeve of his flannel shirt. 

“I think Dean found it.” He smiles up at her. “I think I found it. I have a family now.”

Jess gives him a look like she just wants to take him in her arms and squeeze him tight. She leans down to him and brushes her lips against his cheek. “I’m so happy for you, honey.”

He presses into the kiss. “Hey, do you mind if we stick around here for a couple more days?”

“Of course,” she says, dotting another kiss on the cheek before pulling away. 

Sam’s about to roll over and turn the light off when his phone dings. He reaches for his phone and opens it to see a message from Dean. It’s a picture of Robbie that Sam had asked him to send earlier. It’s just a regular picture, the little guy sitting on the couch smiling to himself, but Sam finds himself unable to stop looking at it. 

Beside him, Jess leans over toward him and asks, “What is it?” 

And Sam is so excited to finally have something like this to share, that he can hardly contain himself. He turns around under the blankets and shows the picture to her. “Here, let me show you who you’re going to meet tomorrow.”

Sam knows he can’t undo the last six years of time. He can’t take back being gone and trying his best to qualify for world’s worst brother. But he does think to himself how much more there is to come, and how he will always make an effort to be there now. Because that’s what family does. 


End file.
